Army Gets New Boots

The new boot will be a moisture-wicking polymer/fiber blend with radar reflective coating and a pixelated weave invisible to night vision devices. It will have no sizes: each boot will mold itself to the feet of the first wearer, and thereafter be unable to be worn by anyone else, stopping barracks boot theft and of course denying footwear to the enemy. The boot will be waterproof, lighter than tennis shoes and its chameleon-like color scheme will blend instantly into any terrain, even the ocean floor. It will have a service life of ten years in the field and a lifetime guarantee for barracks duty or airsofters. The high-tensile flexible fabric can stop a PKM round and hover in supercruise. The cost will be $1499.95 per pair. Congress will debate it for 13 years. - budgie