C What?

My neck is a little stiff these days, literally. If might also be stiff figuratively, but that's not why we are here. Driving in any civilized area is not a problem for me, but when you get twisted-in-a-knot and thrown-in-a-blender Portland, then you have a problem. Stop signs are on every corner in town. Stop signs are great, at least when the corners are civilized corners, nice and square, not like these gyroscopic corner's we've got all over this fair burger of ours. You pull up to a stop sign at a nice (good doggy) square corner, and you don't have to turn your head more than 90 degrees to either side to completely assess the situation (unless you count what's going on behind you, but that's a topic for another day). But you pull up to one of these gyroscopic corners and you have to look in your blind spot which means turn halfway round in your seat in order to see what the hell's back there. At least you do if you are stiff-necked-lubber like I am.

Okay, you may say, but what's a gyroscopic corner? It is a name I coined, ne'r, pulled out the blue, to attach to this devilish construction that puts oncoming traffic in your blind spot, which is exactly what it will do to you.

So I'm thinking I need to remedy this situation. A hand mirror might work, but it would be a nuisance. Well, before I go all haywire maybe I should try one of those stick-on wide angle mirrors. I don't like the tiny ones, but maybe I can find something. So I dial up Amazon, and what to my wondering eyes should appear but this glorious device:

iCBEAMER

The ICBEAMER. Say what? How to parse that? Let me count the ways:

1. I CB E AMER, like iPhone, so you know it's cool, CB because boomers used to use CB radios, E for Eagle and AMER is obviously short for America. Never mind that's it's just a jumble of words. There is probably a target audience out there that would respond to this kind of word salad. Ooo! Look! That salad's got them pecans in it. I like pecans, I'm gonna get me some salad.

2. I C BEAMER - I as in me myself and I, C meaning see and BEAMER, a common slang term for a BMW car. So, I see a BMW behind me. What comes next is anybodies guess. High speed car chase? YouTube video? Police on the scene, know what I mean? Crashes, destruction, emergency room, surgery, funeral home, or maybe therapy and a new restricted way of life. Or they might get away with it.

3. IC BE AMER - a new political slogan by the semiconductor industry, the people who make ICs (Integrated circuits). The want the more chip factories (wafer fabs) built in this country.

4. ICE BEAM ER - This one stretches the rules a bit, but spelling is flexible these days, right? Take some ICE, add some Jim BEAM, and you could end up in the ER (Emergency Room).

I'm sure y'all can come up with some others.