Threshold

We have a cat. We've had him for a while, five or ten years or so. Everyone in my family loves him except me. Maybe I love him too, hard to say. It has fallen to me to feed and water him and clean his litter box. He has me well trained, he squeaks (meows) when he wants to go outside, and I open the door for him. He comes to my office window and bats at the screen or the glass when he want to come in, and I get up and go open the door for him and then walk up the basement stairs to open the door for him so he can gain access to his food and water. I try and remember to pet him at least once a day. I read something about how cats need to be petted, so I do my duty. Sometimes I will stroke him, sometimes I ruffle his fur, sometimes rub him vigorously. But I only spend a few seconds at it and then I'm back to whatever it is that fills my days. He will sometimes sit with my wife and I when we watch TV, but he is just as liable to get up in the middle of the show and wander off, or bolt. I don't know how I would feel if something happened to him. I might be relieved that I don't have to cope with him anymore. On the other hand I might miss him. I dunno.
    I have a bad habit of losing my temper: I yell and curse loud and long, and occasionally throw things. I like to think it happens less often now than it used to, but I don't really know. What I have noticed is that it is more likely to happen when I am tired, and moreover there seems to be a limit below which I am more likely to go off. When I am well rested, I am well behaved. As the day goes on and/or I exert myself, I become more tired, and if I am worn down because of previous exertions or illness, I am more likely to slip over the edge.

   Two days ago I had a migraine headache, the second one in a month, the second one in my life, or at least that I remember. I say "migraine" because the pain was bad enough to make me nauseous. I took a Zyrtec (anti-hay-fever medicine) and in a couple of hours it had gone away. Connection? Cause and effect? Sure. Maybe. Anyway, that episode drained me and next day I laid low. Yesterday evening, Gus, the cat, started squawking, making his little meowing noises, wanting something, I lost my temper and hollered at the little twerp. I made so much noise that older son came to see what the problem was. Fortunately he is mature enough to face down his father-the-jerk and tell me to cool it.
    So my mission, should I choose to accept it, is to recognize when I have reached the limits of my endurance and to stop before something happens that triggers an outburst of insanity. This is hard to do when I am tired. Perhaps now that I have identified the circumstances I might be better able to avoid these situations.