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Tuesday, May 8, 2012

A Good Place To Work

From some office drone, caught in the midst of a giant corporation being gutted by the executives.

  1. The managers are always meeting, so they don't bother you.
  2. When they are on the floor, the managers are so beaten down they are sympathetic to line workers despair.
  3. I can walk to work.
  4. Evening shift is nice because there aren't many people around, sometimes none.
  5. The vending machines have fresh Cheetos 51% of the time.
  6. There are always paper towels and toilet paper in the bathrooms
  7. Trash is emptied 5 days a week,  during the day, so you can see it being done and chat with janitorial staff.
  8. Lots of very pleasant Indian's, nice curry aromas wafts from the microwaves.
  9. A occasional treat is listening to native English speakers on conference calls.
  10. Outsiders are in awe and curious about this giant corporation.
  11. Elevators are regularly swept
  12. I have never had anything stolen from my desk.
  13. Good chairs, lighting and pretty good HVAC.
  14. Plenty of paper for the printers.
  15. Clear desk policy reduces the chance of having the complexity of real work.
  16. Plenty of commiserating with co-workers.
  17. All coworkers on same page.
  18. Emails from higher management can be auto-routed into trash.
  19. Regularly unenforced mandates and threats teach one calmness and affability in the face of crisis.
  20. 50% of the tickets are routed wrongly to your queue.
  21. The metrics are meaningless so you are not held accountable.
  22. Everyone dresses nicely in business casual, no pants around your knees, t-shirts, baseball caps, sneakers are verboten.
  23. White noise machines provide valid excuse for not hearing directives.
  24. Security policies provide a effective excuse for not working.
  25. The foreigners are not competing for your job, housing, food, babes, parking spaces, they just want to get back home, they miss their families.
  26. No firearms policy.
  27. Onsite security patrols.

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