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Saturday, August 16, 2008

Cats & Dogs

My wife went to an educator's seminar about non-verbal communication this week. Unpaid, but she thought it was great, and what I got from her about it was the best thing I heard all week.

You might have seen the Dog Diary vs. Cat Diary before:

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG’S DIARY

Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT’S DIARY

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture…Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors,I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair…must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was… Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still LODGED between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event, however, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call “beer.” More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and he speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my activities. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time…

It is posted on lots of web sites. This copy I stole from Bo Knows.

The thing is that these diaries also apply to people. Think about some of the people you know, or even yourself, if you can be objective, and see if these don't apply. What's more, dog people (people who like dogs) are more often more like cats themselves, and cat people (people who like cats) are more often like dogs.

My wife and kids really like our cats. My wife and daughter often are just ga-ga over them, exclaiming how cute and wonderful they are. I am sorry, I just do not see it. They are cats. They are doing what cats do. Why would anyone care?

Me, I like dogs. They are agreeable. They do things, or not. They don't engage in this seemingly ceaseless meandering that cats do.

So I am more of a dog person, and my daughter and wife are more cat people. But does this new rule apply? Does this mean I behave more like a cat and my wife behaves more like a dog? Well, my wife is always cheerful, and I am often sullen. Do I often suspect the world of being out to get me? Do I spend countless hours plotting my revenge? Not me, I wouldn't do that, and even if I was it wouldn't be any of your business anyway.

Thing most important to a cat-like person is freedom. Thing most important to a dog-type person is order.

There is a whole lot more to it, so if you have to deal with people, and sometimes those dealings are difficult, you might want to try this seminar.


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